By David Swanson
The full extent of Russia’s lunacy is hidden from us by a considerate Western press careful of our delicate sensibilities. The demands that Russia made back in December are described by numerous news articles, but the list of demands itself is found in very few places. When you see it, you quickly understand why. The horror of it could shock you right off your sofa. We’re told by our newspapers how aggressive and vicious the list is, how it would start a new Cold War, and so on, yet articles much longer than the list itself choose not to tell us what exactly it is, clearly for fear that we couldn’t handle it.
You’ve been warned. Here is the list:
Article 1: the parties should not strengthen their security at the expense of Russia’s security;
This is the central substantive stupidity, right at the top — a classic Shock and Awe strategy from the Evil Dr. Putin. The United States and NATO have gone to great lengths to strengthen their security. They’ve added nations to NATO, marching ever eastward. They’ve torn up treaties including the Anti-Ballistic Missiles Treaty. They’ve built missile bases in Romania and Poland. They’ve staged major war rehearsals near Russia’s border. They’ve shipped weapons to Ukraine despite honestly not caring for the Nazi elements in the government there. You can imagine if Russia had done all of this in Ontario how important that would be to Russia’s security, and how irrelevant and offensive it would be to suggest that it really mattered if it was at the expense of someone else’s security. Insanity!
Article 2: the parties will use multilateral consultations and the NATO-Russia Council to address points of conflict;
This is a purely gratuitous atrocity. Imagine suggesting that everybody sit down and talk. Truly, Moscow should be bombed just for this alone.
Article 3: the parties reaffirm that they do not consider each other as adversaries and maintain a dialogue;
Holy !%@^#$&^! Can you imagine the impact just on NATO’s demand that European nations all spend more on weapons? Not consider Russia an adversary?! This has been the top moneymaker since 1917 (WWII notwithstanding). Putin wants to toss it out, just like that. The audacity! An indictment for the crime of aggression ought to be introduced at the International Criminal Court immediately.
Article 4: the parties shall not deploy military forces and weaponry on the territory of any of the other states in Europe in addition to any forces that were deployed as of May 27, 1997;
Now we get into truly certifiable territory. To begin with there is the level of disrespect for the fine job NATO has done in Afghanistan or Libya for example — surely this does not originate in a sane mind. Then there’s the loss in weapons sales that’s simply unfathomable. Consider the economic impact: thousands of people would have to get better-paying, more-sustainable jobs they could feel better about. Incredible. The fact that Putin’s minions allow this stuff to make it into print simply shows the extent of the power he wields over them.
Article 5: the parties shall not deploy land-based intermediate- and short-range missiles adjacent to the other parties;
Off the deep end! I live in the United States and want nothing more than missiles in Mexico and Canada. I’m not old enough to remember it, but there was a time when the United States famously welcomed missiles in Cuba. Let’s be rational about this. Russia is playing one doll short of a Matryoshka.
Article 6: all member States of the North Atlantic Treaty Organization commit themselves to refrain from any further enlargement of NATO, including the accession of Ukraine as well as other States;
Should we be offended or understanding of the addled brain that produces such insults? The expansion of NATO has proven incredibly effective. For 30 straight years the Warsaw Pact has not only been contained but actually shown no signs of existing. And you want to mess with that success?
Article 7: the parties that are member States of the North Atlantic Treaty Organization shall not conduct any military activity on the territory of Ukraine as well as other States in the Eastern Europe, in the South Caucasus and in Central Asia; and
Need I say more? This would be like asking Russia not to stage war rehearsals in British Columbia. Who doesn’t want that? Ridiculous! Think of the tourism benefits!
Article 8: the agreement shall not be interpreted as affecting the primary responsibility of the Security Council of the United Nations for maintaining international peace and security.
The final note. Classic. They’re practically openly admitting to sending helicopters full of globalist aliens to take our guns and turn us homosexual. Why are straightjackets for all Russkies not the proper solution?
3 thoughts on “Why Russia Is Crazy”
Perfect. Well done.
Have you ever considered running for a national office?
I haven’t even considered pretending to “believe” in God.
Just found a notification for this while going through old emails. Love it! Thank you, David, for finding the humor in the apocalypse.