How to Manage Humans as a Resource

“180 Ways to Walk the Recognition Talk”

Folks at the University of Virginia have been having some good – if sad – laughs over an almost unbelievably stupid and cruel book that was recently distributed to every department manager there. The state of Virginia is trying out a new pay plan on its underpaid university staff. The basic idea behind the plan seems to be avoiding pay raises. The basic idea behind the book seems to be moronic alternatives to pay intended to pacify overworked employees living in poverty.
The book is called “180 Ways to Walk the Recognition Talk,” and a few of the ways are worth quoting. This crap would do any MBA proud:

“Remember that gimmicks, gadgets, and giveaways can make your recognition efforts fun and memorable. But nothing (I mean NOTHING!) can replace a good, old-fashioned, sincere, look-’em-in-the-eye-and-say ‘thank you’.”

“Don’t be afraid to GIVE ‘EM A BANANA!”

“Use exxxxxxtra special exagggggggerated words in informal written communications to recognize OUTSTANDING results and grrrreat performance!!!!!!”

“ASK THEM TO ‘SUB4U’! If you’re a supervisor, you can recognize people in your work group by asking them to represent you at meetings you can’t attend. They’ll appreciate the confidence you place in them, and they’ll get to see what really goes on in ‘those meetings.’ On second thought…”

“AWARD GOLD STARS! Don’t underestimate the power of this carry-over from school days.”

“GIVE THEM PLAY MONEY – in various amounts that match the significance of the performance recognized. The money is saved and eventually ‘cashed in’ for free lunches, time off, special perks, etc.”

“GIVE ‘EM A KAZOO SALUTE! Seriously! Give a kazoo to everyone on your team and periodically recognize people with a group salute. Better yet, play them a kazoo koncerto!”

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