Clinton Needs 181% of Remaining Delegates

By David Swanson

Pledged delegates are awarded by voters and caucus goers. Super-delegates are antidemocratic Party control freaks who have no business deciding anything. Of pledged delegates, now that Oregon and Kentucky have had their say, Senator Obama has 1,648 and Senator Clinton 1,493. There are 86 pledged delegates remaining to be awarded in Puerto Rico, Montana, and South Dakota. This means that Clinton can still pull it out if she picks up 181 percent of the remaining delegates.

This calculation doesn’t count the 19 delegates whom John Edwards has encouraged to back Obama, or the delegates pledged to Clinton who have begun flipping for Obama. And it doesn’t count Michigan or Florida, where no real contest has ever been run and from which states no delegates are being counted. It also doesn’t count the Super Delegates, in which Obama holds a substantial lead.

Experts agree that Clinton stands a good and improving chance of pulling out a victory in the end, given her momentum, determination, and appeal to dumb people. Like soccer moms and Jews for Buchanan before them, dumb people are shaking up this election and coming into their own as an identity group with ever rising “self pride.” The group intentionally avoids the term “self esteem” as being too difficult to spell.

“Dump People for Hilary” [sic] bumper stickers are showing up across the country and being shipped by the truck load to South Dakota, Montana, and Puerto Rico. (The trucks to Puerto Rico have been driving off bridges in the Florida Keys.) The stickers and other “dumb people” paraphernalia are being paid for by the Clinton campaign, even while the campaign’s supporters have organized to stop making contributions and instead buy lottery tickets in all 50 states.

While her husband’s campaign headquarters in 1992 famously posted a sign reading “It’s the economy, stupid,” Hillary Clinton’s now boasts a three-foot high quote from H.L. Mencken:

“As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart’s desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.”

Senator Obama has faltered in trying to portray himself as one of the dump people too, but Senator McCain has taken advantage of the latest election trend in a major way by inviting President Bush to join him on the campaign trail.

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