And I saw when the Electoral College opened one of the seals, and I heard, as it were the noise of thunder, one of the four beasts saying, Come and see.
And I saw, and behold a white horse: and he that sat on him had a cigar; and a check was given unto him: and he went forth ending welfare as we knew it.
And when he had opened the second seal, I heard the second beast say, Come and see.
And there went out another horse that was red: and an AUMF was given to him that sat thereon to take peace from the earth, and that they should kill one another: and there was given unto him a great sword.
And when he had opened the third seal, I heard the third beast say, Come and see. And I beheld, and lo a black horse; and the black rider that sat on him had a robotic airplane in his hand.
And I heard a voice in the midst of the four beasts say, A review of targets shall occur each Tuesday; and see thou hurt not the white people.
And when he had opened the fourth seal, I heard the voice of the fourth beast say, Oh fuck, don’t even look!
But I looked, and behold a pale orange horse: and his name that sat on him was TRUMP, and Hell followed with him. And power was given unto them over the fourth part of the earth, to kill with sword, and with hunger, and with death, and with the beasts of the earth.