New York City Legalizes Drugs But Only for Producers of Nuclear Warning Videos

The video:

A graphic it inspired:

I dreamed up another PSA that NYC might offer:

Updated, in color, little girl from LBJ ad with flower counts:

“One. Two.”

Cut to black-clad person in “New York City Expert” shirt:

“Many years ago, Lyndon Johnson meant well with an ad suggesting that electing Barry Goldwater would result in a little girl dying in nuclear war. But science advances, and we know a lot more now. For one thing, we know that it’s inappropriate for civilians to think about where nuclear wars come from, as if ordinary people should interfere in policies of weapons dealing, treaty shredding, or war mongering. As we like to say on the streets of New York, get in your fucking lane, assholes!

“We also know that little girls don’t die in nuclear wars, if they’re smart enough to obey our simple instructions, unless they’re homeless (but fuck those people, anyway, am I right?) – Step One: Get Inside. Step Two: Stay Inside. Step Three: Order Pizza. But clean it.”

(shown vacuming a pizza)

“Oh wait. Step 4. Do not listen to Russian-funded conspiracists who show you solid peer-reviewed studies proving that with the size of nukes today and the unlikelihood of a nuclear war involving a single bomb, there’s likely going to be nothing left of you to go inside with unless you’re lucky enough to live way the hell downwind from ground zero. Why not listen to them? Because they’ll claim that in any case you’re going to starve in a nuclear winter and wish you’d been vaporized. Only kidding! No, don’t listen to them because they’re Russian-funded. Are you even listening?

“The fact is that most people aren’t worried about such matters. A lot of people are laughing at us for talking about the risk of nuclear war at all, simply because it’s greater than it’s ever been before and likely to end all life on Earth if it happens. But, I ask you, New Yorker to New Yorker, what do you expect me to do, fucking talk about it afterwards?”