Dear Democratic Party,
Your new approach strikes me as not terribly different from your old approach. Would this be a fair and accurate summary of your new approach? Make any corrections or additions you like, please.
- Have no policy platform.
- Be pro-war military veterans.
- Be accepting of the Republican agenda.
- Seem authentic and humble.
- Tolerate stupidity well.
I’m not trying to slant it. Again, change it and expand it how ever you like.
Got it perfected? Want to toss in any of this toxic wa . . . er . . . I mean inciteful collection of wisdom?
All right, now, here’s a challenge.
I challenge you to poll people on which approach they prefer, yours or mine.
Here’s mine:
- Identify so-called “campaign contributions” as legalized bribery, accept none, count on voters to find you the way they find millions of things they actually like, and work night and day through every possible means to criminalize bribery and publicly fund elections.
- Invest heavily in public education, and make college free.
- Create universal, comprehensive, single-payer health coverage.
- Abolish corporate welfare.
- Restore progressive taxation, getting the top marginal rate on people and corporations back to 90%, restoring the estate tax, lifting the cap on the Social Security tax, and eliminating income taxes on most people who work for a living.
- Legalize unionizing.
- Bust monopolies, including in media and social media.
- Do a massive Green New Deal.
- Cut funding 20% per year to the military and mass incarceration until they’re gone.
- Turn the presidency back into the Constitutional executive, the Supreme Court back into a court, and the Congress back into a functioning legislature.
What do you think?
Yeah, I’ve got 10 things and you’ve only got 5, so feel free to add your favorite additional 5. Whatever you want. No need to run them by me. I trust you.
Now, do the polling and tell me who wins. If I lose I’ll kiss Chuck Schumer’s ass, scream “Peace is anti-Semitism” from my roof, and buy a “Some of my best friends are billionaires” shirt. But if you lose, you’ll do what I tell you from now on. Deal?