Three New Ways the Army Can Screw You

1. You’ve got no documents. You immigrated here. You sign up to go kill people in Iraq or Afghanistan. You’re promised citizenship. You manage to survive. You’re deported.

2. You sign up. You do your required time in Iraq. You survive. You’re stop-lossed. … But, wait, that’s not new. This is: You produce a song about your stop-loss. You go to jail.

3. You sign up. You do your required time in Iraq. You have sex there. You’re court martialed.

Be As Screwed As You Can Be: Join the Army.

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