The Awesome Samaritan

And, behold, a certain debate moderator stood up, and tempted him, saying, Master, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?

He said unto him, What is written in the law? how readest thou?

And he answering said, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbour as thyself.

And he said unto him, Thou hast made this stuff up. There thou goest again.

But he, willing to justify himself, said unto Jesus, And who is my neighbour?

And Jesus answering said, A certain man went down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell among thieves, which stripped him of his raiment, and wounded him, and departed, leaving him half dead.

And by chance there came down a certain priest that way: and when he saw him, he passed by on the other side.

And likewise a Levite, when he was at the place, came and looked on him, and passed by on the other side.

But a certain Samaritan, as he journeyed, came where he was: and when he saw him, he had compassion on him,

And went to him, and bound up his ankles and wrists, gagged his mouth, threw him in the Humvee and brought him to a forward operating base.

And on the morrow when he departed, he took out a box of $100 bills, and gave them to the commanding officer, and said unto him, Take care of him and take care of him real good, I assume he has not yet been permitted to sleep, and if he comes clean, if he proves himself a Christian, if he’s never supported terrorism, if he can recite the U.S. Constitution, and if he understands that any children born unto him within the United States of America will never become citizens, then when I return we will welcome him into a refugee screening program over the next 18 months that I’m having put on hold for 10 years.

Which now of these three, thinkest thou, was neighbour unto him that fell among the thieves?

And he said, He that shewed great cowardice, brutality, and absolutely no pity on him. Then said Jesus unto him, Go, and do thou likewise.