Note to a Religious Republican

March 5, 2004

I’ve heard Democrats say that Republicans are too religious. In fact, I’ve said it myself. But that’s kind of silly when you think about it, since almost all Republicans and Democrats and Independents in the United States are religious, and Republican politicians take a backseat to nobody in disrespecting religion.

I myself speak to God on a regular basis, and He told me recently that He did not approve of a plaque He saw hanging in the Oval Office with these words on it:

Top Ten Rules to Rule By

10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s oil or public services unless your neighbor is a Muslim or your campaign funding is on the line.

9. Thou shalt not bear false witness unless it helps you start a war.

8. Thou shalt not steal unless you let the European corporations have a little too.

7. Thou shalt not commit adultery!!!

6. Thou shalt not kill but it’s OK to force poor people to kill and be killed if it helps the corporations and if you don’t let anyone see the bodies.

5. Honour thy father and thy mother