Linguistic Devolution and Ye Ol’ Resistance

Trump has banned doctors from using seven words: “vulnerable,” “entitlement,” “diversity,” “transgender,” “fetus,” “evidence-based” and “science-based.”

Pretty lame words compared with the seven words that George Carlin famously ranted about because they were banned from television: shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and tits.

To try to recover a bit of our culture, I’d like to make a humble proposal to U.S. government doctors doing their research that they substitute the second set of words for the first, in the following manner:

vulnerable = shit

entitlement = piss

diversity = motherfucker

transgender = fuck

fetus = tits

evidence-based = cunt

science-based = cocksucker

I’m confident these substitute words have never been banned from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, and that the good doctors can memorize the simple code. If they just employ this code, their reports will all pass right by the censors. One might read:

“Study of the Neurological Removal of the Sense of Piss in Mice: Our cunt results will show that all sense of piss can be removed from a motherfucker of mice specimens, regardless of gender, age, or fuck status, as well as being effectively preempted before cocksucker observation in those mouse tits most shit to piss acquisition, through a new procedure that involves dropping the U.S. Code on the mice and to which we refer below as presidential impeachment.”

Of course I offer this friendly proposal in a spirit of collaboration with expectation of its being put to admirable purpose. Any government scientists engaged in bio-weapons research, for example, will kindly ignore my recommendations, as I instead respectfully request that they go transgender themselves, the entitlementy diversities.

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